


To the Stars

by ItsOnlyAPenName



Series: To the Stars [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Car Accidents, Children, Coma, Cute, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M, Mpreg, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 02:15:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4161813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsOnlyAPenName/pseuds/ItsOnlyAPenName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a car accident, a pregnant Jared is left in a coma, and every day Jensen comes to visit him with their daughter Cleo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To the Stars

“Hi Daddy.” Cleo whispered. She leaned in and gave her father a kiss on the cheek before bringing her mouth up to his ear. “I made you something at school today.” She pulled a yellow folder out of her backpack and opened it, frantically searching through a bunch of papers until she found the one she was looking for.

“It’s a picture of you, me, Papa, and Caleb.” Cleo held her drawing up for Jared, but his eyes stayed closed. His body stayed completely unresponsive as his eager five year old daughter frantically waved her art in front of his face. In her painting Jared and Jensen were holding hands, watching her swing on the swing set at their neighborhood park. Jared’s stomach was protruding, and there was a little arrow pointing towards it with the name Caleb written at the end. In the photo everyone was smiling, including the sun, who was rocking a pair of sunglasses.

Cleo’s juvenile drawing techniques exaggerated all of the wrong features. Each person’s hands were twice the size of their face, and their legs were long enough to rival a supermodel’s. But the effort was there. Jensen had already seen the drawing. His daughter had shown it to him promptly upon entering his Volvo when he picked her up after school. Along with the presentation of her drawing came the question she had asked every day for the past three and a half months. 

“Are we going to see Daddy today?” Cleo would ask every afternoon, even though she always new the answer.

“Yes sweetie.” Jensen would smile, “And maybe today he’ll get to see your pretty picture.”

She must have made over ninety drawings by now. And today Jensen stood by the door watching in silence, trying to hold back tears as Cleo talked to Jared.

“I made a little arrow pointing to Caleb this time so you wouldn’t get confused.” Cleo continued. “I can’t wait until I get to draw him on the swings next to me!” She placed her head on Jared’s stomach and brought her hand down next to it, rubbing her father’s belly in circles. “Hurry up and get borned Caleb!” She sighed.

It took Jensen every ounce of power he had not to break down in that moment. He didn’t have the heart to tell Cleo she wouldn’t be having a baby brother. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that there wouldn’t be anyone on the swings next to her. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that she wasn’t going to be a big sister, and that neither she, nor anyone else would ever get to see Caleb.

It hurt the most when Cleo would ask why Caleb didn’t kick anymore.

“He’s sleeping, just like Daddy.” Jensen would say, “When Daddy wakes up, Caleb will start kicking again, just you wait and see.”

It was cruel, and Jensen knew it. Not just to himself, but to Cleo as well. As he watched his daughter rub his husband’s empty belly, Jensen decided that one of these days he was going to tell his daughter the truth.

“Miss Thorton told me that she’s praying for you.” Cleo said, her head still resting on Jared’s stomach. “I got mad when she said that because Papa and I already pray for you every night, and I don’t want her prayers to get in the way of ours, or else God wont hear and you wont get better.” She lifted her head and looked back at Jensen. “But then Papa told me that’s not how it works. He said the more people pray for you, the better the chances are that God will hear.”

Jensen smiled as he listened to his naive daughter.

“So tomorrow I’m going to ask the whooolle class to pray for you Daddy. Soon you’ll get to wake up again. I know it.” Cleo’s eyes were wild with excitement and her blonde pigtails bounced around as she nodded to herself. 

“Oh and one more thing…” Cleo whispered. She placed her mouth against Jared’s ear and used her hand to block Jensen from seeing or hearing what she was saying. “I need you to wake up soon because Papa wont let me stay up past my bedtime to watch an extra episode of The Wiggles like you do. So wake up, okay?” She brought her lips away from her father’s ear and looked at him. “I love you Daddy.” She said. Cleo gave Jared a kiss on the cheek and then turned to Jensen. “I’m done Papa, you can talk now.”

She got out of the chair that was next to Jared’s bedside and walked over to Jensen. And as she made her way over to him, Jensen made a note to himself that five year olds weren’t the best whisperers in the world. When Cleo got to Jensen, she gave him a hug, then plopped down onto the chair that was next to the doorway. Jensen watched her reach into her backpack and pull out a box of crayons along with a Disney Princess coloring book. As soon as she opened the book and began to color, Jensen made his way across the room to Jared’s bedside, where he took a seat.

He took his husband’s hand and held it, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the backside Jared’s hands. Normally Jensen did this to comfort his husband, but now the only person he was bringing any comfort to was himself. 

Jensen watched Jared’s chest rise and fall, in sync to the beeping machine next to him. “It’s been one hundred and two days Baby,” Jensen said, “But every day I spend without you feels like a lifetime.” He continued to watch his husband breathe, his chest persistently rising and falling. “I’m sorry. It was all my fault.” Jensen’s lips quivered more and more with every word, “It was all my fault.”

He continued to sit there watching Jared and holding his hand, as his mind brought him back to that fateful February night.

****** February 13, Three and a half months ago ******

Jared and Jensen sat on their living room couch watching Law & Order reruns, passing a carton of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream back and forth between themselves. Jared sat facing Jensen with his back resting against the arm of the couch, and his feet propped up, resting on top of Jensen’s legs.

“Babe.” Jared said, attempting to get Jensen’s attention. He was completely wrapped up in the episode and was awaiting the verdict of the trial. “Babe.”

“Mhhmm, yes Baby?” Jensen said with a mouth full of ice cream. He turned to face his husband.

“Babe,” Jared’s dimples dug into his cheeks as he smiled. His hand was resting on his stomach. He was four months into his pregnancy, and enjoying every second of it. “I think Caleb’s got a sweet tooth. Feel!”

Jensen placed his hand on Jared’s stomach and immediately felt their son kicking. “Woah!” Jensen looked up at his husband, smiling, “Looks like you’re giving birth to the next Lionel Messi.”

“God no.” Jared laughed, “Our son will not be affiliated with Barcelona. Nooo way.” Jared shook his head, “Manchester United, all the way.”

Jensen laughed, and rubbed his husband’s belly until the baby inside of it stopped kicking, then he moved his hands down to Jared’s crotch where he began to palm the space between his husbands thighs. 

“Jen.” Jared shook his head as Jensen played with the hem of his Adidas sweatpants. “No.”

“No?” Jensen dipped his hands underneath Jared’s sweatpants and into his underwear.

“No.” Jared shook his head again.

“Cleo’s at a slumber party and we’ve got the house to ourselves for the first time in ages.” Jensen looked at Jared, biting his lip.

“That’s not it Jen.” Jared exhaled. He put his hand on Jensen’s and pulled it out of his pants.

“What’s wrong?” Jensen asked. He took the carton of ice cream out of Jared’s hands and put it on the table in front of them.

“It’s just…I just don’t… I don’t look the way I used to. I’m all lumpy and ---.”

Jensen silenced his husband with a kiss, leaning over him and making sure not to press against his husband’s stomach. “Baby, you’re beautiful.” Jensen whispered before placing another kiss on Jared’s lips. “Okay? You were beautiful then, and you are beautiful now. You’ll be beautiful always.”

Jensen smiled. He got off of the couch and headed towards their sound system. Jared watched Jensen fiddle around with his Ipod until he heard an Ed Sheeran song begin to play.

“When your legs don’t work like they used to before…” Jensen began to sing along, swaying his hips as he walked back to the couch. “And I can’t sweep you off of your feet.” He held out both of his hands waiting for Jared to take them.

“Oh God.” Jared laughed. He took Jensen’s hands and his husband helped him off of the couch, still singing along to the song.

Jensen placed his hands on the small of Jared’s back, and Jared wrapped his hands behind Jensen’s neck. They looked lovingly into each other’s eyes, saying nothing as they danced around their living room until the end of the song.

“Let’s go to our spot.” Jared breathed once the song had finished, “Let’s go to the top of the world.”

Jensen smiled, pulling his car keys out of his back pocket, “I thought you’d never ask.” He turned off their sound system and turned back around to see Jared scurrying towards the front door.

“Catch me if you can Babe." Jared said, laughing. Jensen ran behind him, easily catching up. He opened the door for Jared, “After you my love.” Jensen said. He closed the door behind him and pressed the unlock button on his car keys. Soon he and Jared were in the car and headed towards the top of the world.

Jared and Jensen’s little slice of heaven was located at the top of a hill that overlooked the entire city of Houston. When they met in college, they used to drive up there just to get drunk and talk. They would talk about everything and anything. On Jared’s twenty first birthday, it was there, in the bed of his truck, over looking the Houston skyline, that Jared went from being Jensen’s best friend, to Jensen’s boyfriend. And now, even fifteen years later they still found themselves going back to their one special place.

“What do you think Caleb’s going to be like?” Jared asked. Both of his hands were cradling his belly and he rubbed it back and forth. They were at a stoplight, waiting for the light to change.

Jensen took one hand off of the wheel and placed it on Jared’s stomach. “Feisty. Definitely going to be a wild child. We might get called to the principal’s office a few times.” Jensen joked. “And once he reaches puberty…GOD we are going to have to tie him down. Maybe lock him up or something.”

Jared laughed at his husband.

“No, really. If he looks like us…there will be plenty of girls…or guys… coming his way.” Jensen continued. “So keep your dick in your pants Caleb.” Jensen instructed, bringing his face to Jared’s stomach.

“Not funny Jensen.” Jared chuckled, slapping his husband’s hand. “I think he’ll be beautiful, especially on the inside. He’ll probably like pie, just like his Papa.”

“You make a damn good apple pie Baby.” Jensen smiled.

“Thanks.” Jared continued, “And he’ll probably be fast, just like Cleo. I can tell by all of the kicking.” He smiled to himself, “Hopefully he’ll be kind, and funny, and not afraid to speak up for what he believes in.”

“Are you giving birth to a baby, or a small man child?” Jensen laughed.

“The latter, obviously.” Jared laughed. 

Jensen looked back at the light, which still hadn’t changed. “This light’s been red for a really long time.” He scrunched his face.

“Why don’t you just go?” Jared pushed. “No one’s here.”

Jensen looked to his left, then to his right, and once he was sure the road was clear he stepped on the gas, speeding through the light. He didn’t notice the car speeding around the corner until it was too late. It all happened so quickly. Before Jensen had a chance to maneuver out of the way, the other car collided with the passenger side of their Volvo at full speed. 

“Nooo!” Jensen screamed when he saw Jared’s airbag go off moments before his. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Jensen watched the airbag on the passenger side inflate, popping out of the dashboard and forcefully hitting Jared’s stomach. Seconds later his own airbag inflated and he was consumed by cloud of darkness. 

That was the last thing Jensen remembered before waking up in the hospital to Cleo’s cheerful face.

“Hi Papa!” She smiled, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You’re okay.” Her smile faded, “Not Daddy though.”

****** Present Day*****

“I miss Daddy’s apple pie.” Cleo sighed as she picked at her mac & cheese. They had just gotten back from visiting Jared at the hospital and it was dinnertime. They had stayed a little later than usual today, but Jensen couldn’t tare himself away from his husband’s side.

“I know honey. I do too.” Jensen breathed. He sat across from his daughter, eating the last of some leftover lasagna his sister, Mackenzie, brought over two days before. He was a goddamn wreck without Jared, and everyone knew it, but no one was impolite enough to say it to his face. No one accept for Mackenzie who, when she brought over the lasagna, told Jensen he had seen better days. Something that Jensen wasted no time agreeing with her on. 

“You’re trying Papa, I know.” Cleo smiled, taking a bite of her dinner “Just maybe take a cooking class like I did.” She took another bite, “Then you can make lots of other food.” She took another bite. “I already know you can make mac & cheese. I’ve had it a lot lately. Tomorrow why don’t you make some pizza?”

“Nice try kiddo.” Jensen said. “How about rice and chicken?” He suggested, deciding it would be easy enough for him to make. He had never really been a fantastic cook, that was a title Jared happily took. If it had been up to him now, they would be having take out every day, but Cleo vehemently argued against it. So recently they had been living off of a diet of the world simplest dinners. 

“Deal.” Cleo said, banging her fork on the table. 

“Deal.” Jensen agreed. 

“I’m done eating now Papa. See.” Cleo lifted up her clean plate for Jensen to see.

“Good job!” Jensen smiled. “And did you finish your homework?”

“Yup. I did it while we were at the hospital.” Cleo confirmed, “And tomorrow’s the kindergarten spelling bee.”

“How could I forget!” Jensen smiled, taking a final bite of his lasagna. “Are you ready?”

“Yes Papa I am r-e-a-d-y!” Cleo lifted her head towards the ceiling triumphantly.

“Wow, yes you are! And I’ll be there in the front row cheering you on.” Jensen got up from the table and picked up his plate along with Cleo’s, setting them in the sink. “Now go get dressed for bed.”

“Okie dokie!” Cleo got up from the table and headed towards the stairs.

“I’ll be up there in a second.” Jensen called behind her.

After tucking Cleo into bed and reading her a bedtime story Jensen got up and left her room, turning off her light behind him. He walked down the hallway into the master bedroom, throwing off his shirt and pants before he got into bed. He laid in bed, crying in the dark until he fell asleep. That was the only way he could since the accident.

**************

“Hi Daddy!” Cleo exclaimed, “I won the spelling bee today! Papa brought me flowers and everything!” She held the bouquet of roses in front of her face and brought her nose to it, taking a deep breath. Cleo laid the bouquet next to Jared. “ I want you to have them…and this.” She pulled out the drawing she had made earlier that day. It was a drawing of the three of them: Cleo, Jensen, and a pregnant Jared, having a picnic in their backyard. Each of them had a piece of Jared’s apple pie in front of them. 

Cleo laid the picture next to the flowers. “Guess what daddy.” An excited Cleo squirmed around in the chair, “The whole class is praying for you now. I asked them to today, and they’re going to do it.” She brought her face closer to her father’s, “Soon I’ll get the first grade class to pray for you too. Then the whole school. Then the whole world.”

Cleo yawned, her mouth stretching wide, “I’m gunna let Papa talk to you now while I go nap, okay Daddy? Winning that spelling be took a lot out of me.” She brought her mouth to his cheek and kissed him before running back to her usual chair beside the door and a standing Jensen. “Your turn Papa.” Cleo yawned again, looking up at Jensen.

He walked across the room to Jared’s bedside and sat down. “Baby I got a call this morning, and I don’t know what to do.” Jensen lowered his voice, “They want me to direct the next Hunger Games movie.” Jensen breathed. “Shooting is scheduled to start in four months Jare….in Berlin.” Jensen wiped his face with his hands, then proceeded to burry his head in them “I don’t know what to do. I need you Jare. I really need you.”

Jensen moved his hands away and looked at his comatose husband. Jensen’s eyes we’re watery, and full of fear. He looked over at Cleo, who had drifted off to sleep, then he looked back at his husband.

“I don’t want to start drinking again Jared.” Jensen could feel the tears begin to stream down his face. “I’ve been good, but it’s been so hard. And now with this…” Jensen paused. 

Jensen’s twenty seventh and twenty eighth years of life were all but a blur to him. After the death of his mother, something happened to him. She was his best friend, his mentor, she taught him everything he knew about directing, and after she died, he was a complete mess. He spent those two years in and out of rehab with a bottle in his hand, and he didn’t make a single movie. 

He remembered one night in April when things got really bad, and he tried to take his own life. He probably would have succeeded too, if Jared hadn’t come home early from work to find Jensen sprawled out on their kitchen floor next to a half bottle of pills and an empty bottle of whisky.

Jared stayed by Jensen’s side that whole time, trying everything he could to get Jensen back to the happy man he once was. And it took a long time, but Jared managed to do it. He managed to get –and keep- his then boyfriend sober. He told Jensen he loved him, and would never leave him, but he needed Jensen to get better if they were going to stay together…so that’s exactly what Jensen did. He got his life together, sobered up, and slowly got back into the movie business. And he owed it all to Jared.

“We need the money Jare. Cleo’s school fees, your medical bills, the mortgage.” Jensen breathed, “I can’t stop working…but I can’t leave you and Cleo.” Jensen sat in silence, listening to the steady beeping of Jared’s heart rate monitor. “I’m torn Jare.” Jensen sighed, “And I need you.”

Jensen rested his head on Jared’s stomach, feeling it rise and fall beneath him. His tears dropped onto Jared’s hospital gown. “Please wake up Baby. Please.”

***********

That evening after dinner Jensen sat Cleo down on the living room couch so that he could talk to her about her brother.

“I don’t understand Papa.” Cleo huffed, “What do you mean Caleb isn’t in Daddy’s tummy anymore? I saw Daddy today and his tummy was still big!”

“Yes sweetheart I know, but you need to try and understand.” Jensen breathed.

“I don’t want to.” Cleo puffed. She placed both of her hands on top of her ears.

“Clarissa-Odette, please.” Jensen sighed. “Listen to Papa.”

She looked at her father with watery eyes.

“Please.” Jensen sighed. Cleo took her hands off of her ears and placed them on her lap.

“You said Caleb isn’t in Daddy’s tummy anymore.” Cleo whimpered.

“I did.” Jensen breathed.

“Then where is he?” Cleo asked.

Jensen got up from the couch and motioned for his daughter to follow him upstairs. Once they reached the second floor of their house, Jensen picked Cleo up, and brought her out onto the balcony.

“Okay Cleo I want you to look up.” Jensen instructed his daughter and watched as she lifted her head up towards the starry night. “Do you see that star?” Jensen pointed up at a small glimmering ball of light in the starry Houston sky.

“Mhmm.” Cleo nodded, continuing to look up.

“Well that’s where Caleb is.” Jensen said.

“He’s on a star?” Cleo gasped, looking back at her father. “How did he get there?”

“Caleb was hurt when Daddy and I were in the accident, and Caleb wasn’t strong enough for this world yet.” Jensen breathed, “He wasn’t strong enough even though he was protected by Daddy’s tummy. So God took him away to the stars, because he could protect Caleb better out there.”

“Ohhhh…” Cleo nodded.

“And that’s not just any star Clarissa-Odette.” Jensen said, “That’s Heaven.”

“Heaven?” Cleo gasped.

“Yup.” Jensen said.

“Wow! I wan’t to go there.” Cleo smiled, eyes full of wonder.

“And you will!” Jensen assured her.

“When?” Cleo asked.

“Later. Much, much, much later.” Jensen exhaled.

“But I want to see Caleb now Papa!” Cleo huffed.

“You can see him any time you want.” Jensen looked lovingly at his daughter, and she looked back at him. “All you have to do is look up at the sky and find his star.”

“Wow.” Cleo breathed.

“Wow is right.” Jensen kissed his daughters cheek.

“Do you think Daddy will get to see Caleb in Heaven soon?” Cleo asked.

Jensen’s breath caught in his throat, completely unprepared for his daughter’s question. He didn't answer, instead Jensen stood there, holding his daughter on his hip as they both looked out into the stars, wondering what the future had in store for them. And Jensen hoped with all of his heart that the next time he took his daughter out on the balcony, his husband would be there with them.

Jensen felt his phone ring in his pocket, so he took it out and looked at it. The caller ID said: Jackson Carver (MD.)

It was Jared’s doctor at Houston Methodist Hospital. He was either calling to tell Jensen that Jared had finally woken up, or that he was joining Caleb in the stars. Jensen took a moment to breathe, looking back and fourth between his phone and the starry sky.

Something deep inside him told him that he already knew the answer. He let the phone continue to ring and placed it back in his pocket, smiling as he and Cleo continued to look up at the stars.


End file.
